the hidden secrets.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

i feel so sick.. oh, don get me wrong.. i'm not ill or not feeling well.. but i feel so sick of myself.. i feel soooOooo sick.. i dunno why.. but it's really killing me...~ the feeling is overwhelming.. and i feel like killing myself..~ it's not that i hate myself.. but juz that i can't love myself...~i wanna learn to love myself more...~ it's not a problem of self-confidence.. neither is it a problem of self-esteem.. most of all, it's not self-attitude...~ i seriously do not have psychological problems.. i'm not psycho, i don need a psychic... i do not have imbalance, neither on the mind nor heart... i don need medicine to cure... i juz wan back myself.. the cheerful.. the joyous.. the ever-carefree... the forever smiling... the pure.. the selfless ME...~! she seems missing.. i dunno where has it gone.. to the rivers with many little fishes..? to the mountains with beautiful sunrise...? to the garden with many pretty flowers...? or to the beach with the gracious sunset...? has my soul left me for good..? please don't... i'm feeling lost without myself.. i'm lost in the dark woods... i can never smile.. the way i always smile... i can never think positively... the way i alwayz think... i don't hate myself.. neither do i hate my life...~ but i wish to find back myself.. i wish to love myself more than i can... only then, will i be able to find back myself...
so many things happened... i miss daddy...~ he's never coming back.. why...? wat's the feeling of losing ur guardian angel in life..? it's been some time, i know..~ but my soul went with him... i'm sad, i'm tormented..~ i smile, but it doesn't come from my bottom of the heart... i smile, but i don laugh...~ he's no longer here to guide me in life.. it's for some time, i know i have to get use to it.. forever...~when will i see you again..?

well, people, if u all happen to read this, don worry... i'm just missing my daddy very very much... =) i'm fine.. at least i think i'm fine.. =)

darlings, u all know..? i'm sorry.. for these time.. i haven been myself.. i haven been the old me.. i know..~ and i'm sorry.. i smile, i laugh.. but i haven meant any of them..~ i'm sorry... please gimme time.. to find back the usual me.. the joyous me.. the one that can bring laughter, and joy to each and everyone of you... =)

hmmm, got to know something today.. he's not gonna like me.. there's no chance at all..~ but i dunno why i'm still liking him.. i know there's no affinity... perhaps he's not my destiny..? well, that's wat we call not fated i guess..? soBzZz...~ ='( ='( ='(


tHat's mE nOw...~ LosT & foRLorN...
procrastinated. 6:49 AM

>philosophically me.

joycie
101286
20
ngee ann poly/bs student

>dar-links.

Jeerin.
xia darling.
ezah darling.
pauline.
Joyce Dearie.
Sister Qiz.
Sister Samantha.
Persis.
Belle.
Phionna.
CheryL.
QiuYan.
Michi.
Stefanie.
Syaz.
Serve Cambodia [official].
Serve Cambodia [informal].
Gayathri.
Jasmine.
Camen.
Samantha.
Erika.
Kathie.
LohWC.
LimWC.
Jenny.
Thong Kiat.
Jocelyn.
Dzul.
Kim.
ZhenYao.
JiSheng.

>loves.

jeerin.cuzzies.family.
darlings.
him.
illogical cuckoos.
lesley six.
FHCC.Stonage.
all the kids in FGAC.
Cambodia.
the toes.
GR2.
philosophy.travel.
sea sports.music.
sea.sun.sky.

>rants.


>credits.

layout done by: caijingg.
photo by: kika06
brushes: adobe photoshop.

>song.

♥ 宇恒 - 有你多好 ♥