the hidden secrets.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

i sucked in poa. i didn't do well for the 2nd test. i suck totally rite?
maec test... i thought i could do the questions.. i made tons of careless mistakes... wat the hell... kill me.. shoot me... watever.. i feel so useless... i feel so dumb... am i stupid or wat..? i think so i am. oh whatever...~

i dun haf the motivation to study alrite..? wat;s so good about business course man...~ and for goodness sake this is like the eighth choice in my list.. but i jolly well didn't do badly for my L1r4 to end up in such state. oh watever...~

torture the hell out of me.. squeeze the brain juices hell out of me... i'm not stupid... i'm just simply not motivated.. not bothered to do very well.. i do care i didn't do well for my papers... i do care that i am such a slacker... i do care for my own future... but am i even on the right path to my own future in the first place... argh.... i am pretty sure i can do super well, better than anyone if i wan. it's a matter of want or don want.. so stop using that kind of doubting tone on me like i'm such a fool or a dummy... if i wan to be the first, i will be. but i just don see the need to be competitive. i'm just trying to lead a happy-go-lucky life. thats all. spare me of those doubting eyes and tone like i'm some idiotic who doesnt love sch and studies. sorry.. but i do like studying...~ but this isn't my forte.. thats all...

i told mummy how stupid i felt... i haven felt so distressed in my entire life. i've never been bad in my studies.. so i dunno wat's exactly the problem. perhaps i lost focus... i dunno...

i'm determined to do very well for my exams... i am really determined to do so...~ and i am very determined to do very well for my coming sems. this is the determination i set upon myself to be the best. do not belittle me anymore. thank you. =)

nah, i'm fine.. just puking out the depressions i hide in me for days.. i feel better now. =) sorry for the naggings and frustrations.. well, joycie is smiling once again.. although i don deny i had tears brimming for days... nah... it's just so hard for me to cry.. =) i prefer my radiant smile though. hahhas.. =)

met xia darling.. hahhas... nice night out.. loving it man... =) cos i love her sooooo muchie.
junxiong msged me saying we are all invited to go to his house for cny... hahhas... if i go i gotta stay over night cos the very next day i got school.. should i go or not..? i dunno.. but i miss u guys.. hees... today i pang seh yingtao.. hahhas.. supposed to go buy cny shirts with him.. but then hor... i haf paper till late.. but nevertheless i met him at plaza with xia.. hahhas... stop hitting my head for i dun wanna become shorter.. bleh! went pass swensens.. didn't see chin lee.. hahhas.. nvm.. cny will see her le.. i miss chin nan too (heys bro, if cny i go xiong house u send me to sch with ur bike yar? then i might consider staying.without me, there wont be fun anyway! hahhas...~) hees.. they brighten my life with no fail... u guys rock man!

i love my serve cambodia'05 peeps. although we don get to see each and everyone everyday... but the bond is there. saw jeremy today outside co op..~ hahhas... tried to scare me.. but too bad!! i saw ya!! hahahs... jason, yuhong, sab.. pple i see everyday...i miss lesly six. i miss jip. u guys rock! =)
*sab, cheerios. smiles. i really understand.. =) and i love ya sooo muchie!
*winks**

tomorrow is swimming swimming swimming with xia and ezah... oh baby! yay!!! lovies..~

oh.. i miss joyce dearie. =(

-it's good if u can stay away from me. each and everytime i try to be nice to u, u'd take advantage. i'm not a doll, nor a pet. i just wan to be frens! i dun let u swing here and there. take and dump anywhere u like. sorry but i haf my dignity. i haf my own stand. stay away for i'm sorry to say u stand no where in my heart anymore. the day u went away, the day u fooled me, we were a full stop. i dun need u, i dun want u. i'm leading a very happy life without u in fact. if there's anything between u and me, thats frens. u probably didn't know this. but i must say this to u. the day u left, u left not only scars, but pains and fears of me getting into another relationship. sorry but u were the cause of my hatred in love. i dun blame you for leaving, but i wouldnt allow me going back to u for i know it's not gonna worth it. 3 yrs ago, it's already a full stop. thank you. leave me alone.(i know u'd read this)-
procrastinated. 8:05 AM

>philosophically me.

joycie
101286
20
ngee ann poly/bs student

>dar-links.

Jeerin.
xia darling.
ezah darling.
pauline.
Joyce Dearie.
Sister Qiz.
Sister Samantha.
Persis.
Belle.
Phionna.
CheryL.
QiuYan.
Michi.
Stefanie.
Syaz.
Serve Cambodia [official].
Serve Cambodia [informal].
Gayathri.
Jasmine.
Camen.
Samantha.
Erika.
Kathie.
LohWC.
LimWC.
Jenny.
Thong Kiat.
Jocelyn.
Dzul.
Kim.
ZhenYao.
JiSheng.

>loves.

jeerin.cuzzies.family.
darlings.
him.
illogical cuckoos.
lesley six.
FHCC.Stonage.
all the kids in FGAC.
Cambodia.
the toes.
GR2.
philosophy.travel.
sea sports.music.
sea.sun.sky.

>rants.


>credits.

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photo by: kika06
brushes: adobe photoshop.

>song.

♥ 宇恒 - 有你多好 ♥