the hidden secrets.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

would anyone be there to understand how painful i feel? i may always look happy. i smile and i laugh. how many times i feel the pains yet i can turn to no one. for i know when i say wat i feel, people normally refer me as 'hey, dont think too much.'

i'm not thinking too much. but who on earth knows what i'm going thru... compared to kids in third world countries, compared to people suffering from poverty and world hunger, my pains may be nothingness.... but to me, my world had collapsed. if i am thinking too much to most of the people who may think i am, then i'm sorry. but things are not there cos i think of them. they are there as facts to hurt me as they are cold facts. i try so hard to engage into as many activities as i can, engage into being more people oriented. trying so hard to be someone who is carefree and happy. for so many times i failed. there are people whom i really can smile and laugh to, but i start to realise there are so many people who put their masks on when they are with me. all i ask for is sincere and real.

i fell out with mum. ok. like finally right? totally fell out. ok. people can think all they want that i am being rebellious and all. but i've always been wanting to be a perfect daughter already. and i always think i am. being the most outstanding student, always the top student, i made it to be the head counsellor, i was in the newspaper for getting top in whole singapore for writing argumentative essays, i was the best debator, i was the best. WAS. for u never appreciated me, never had. and i'm no longer that me. and i no longer want to be that. no doubt i did it for myself, but daddy was there to appreciate me for the last 18 yerars. nearly, he's gone and i find no more motivation in anything everything.

to her: if all u hate is daddy, then hate all you want. if all u care for is that man, then go care for. if all u hate is MY FAMILY, and if all u hate is OUR SURNAME, then it's perfectly fine. i just want to say i have nothing to do with the hatred u have for anything or anyone and for heaven's sake i really don't know what exactly happened between u and daddy. and just to wake you up and just for ur information, he's no longer here anymore. he's no longer in our world and stop venting ur anger and ur hatred with him on me! i've had enough alright?
u said right into my face that all with the surname of ONG, all in my family line are scums. then sadly to say to u, u're the producer of this scum u were referring to. if u are regreting this fact , too bad! it's too late and for ur information, i've never failed to prove myself good to you. if all u lack of is appreciation and all u haf is hatred and anger and frustration. then i'm more than glad to leave the home. and i won't hesitate to bring jeerin along.
all u care for is money. all in your world is money. what else do u care for? that filthy man?! oh... how nice of u as a mother. haha. how i despise you. u're the most 'wonderful' mother on earth. thanks for that.
thanks for always not being there for me as a mother. thanks for always letting daddy bring me to the doc when i'm so sick and i'm so happy that i have no one now anymore. thanks for no communications in 18 years. thanks for hating daddy and thanks for hating us. thanks for loving another man and neglecting the family for all u want. thanks for always willing to spend money on that filthy man and giving us limited pocket money. thanks for everything.
u know what? i am so not hesitating to leave the home with mei mei. and u know what? then u can have all your world and we will no longer be burdens to you. u know what? u could have long ago abandoned us when daddy passed away.

for so many reasons i am a happy girl.
procrastinated. 5:06 AM

>philosophically me.

joycie
101286
20
ngee ann poly/bs student

>dar-links.

Jeerin.
xia darling.
ezah darling.
pauline.
Joyce Dearie.
Sister Qiz.
Sister Samantha.
Persis.
Belle.
Phionna.
CheryL.
QiuYan.
Michi.
Stefanie.
Syaz.
Serve Cambodia [official].
Serve Cambodia [informal].
Gayathri.
Jasmine.
Camen.
Samantha.
Erika.
Kathie.
LohWC.
LimWC.
Jenny.
Thong Kiat.
Jocelyn.
Dzul.
Kim.
ZhenYao.
JiSheng.

>loves.

jeerin.cuzzies.family.
darlings.
him.
illogical cuckoos.
lesley six.
FHCC.Stonage.
all the kids in FGAC.
Cambodia.
the toes.
GR2.
philosophy.travel.
sea sports.music.
sea.sun.sky.

>rants.


>credits.

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photo by: kika06
brushes: adobe photoshop.

>song.

♥ 宇恒 - 有你多好 ♥