the hidden secrets.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

soccer matches have been nice at zixian's house up till now... all the fun, all the oooooohhs and ahhhhs..... all the goal!! and all the yes!!! it's just so nice... it's nice cos of the company... i love my darlings loads... really loads.. truck loads...~
lixia.ezah.zixian.qiuyan. u gals make me wanna kudos to our frenship!!! 8years and counting.... =)
not forgetting to mention world's best creation ever... prawn.salty fish.bear.turtle.cherry.sotong.
u guys are the best. stepped into my life, and created wonders...

he is oh-so-sweet. he's my smiles. my everything. always there for me. never fail to get anything i wanted. those sweetness, those closeness, those smiles, those gestures, the everything. ur care, ur concern, ur oh-i-dunno-if-it's-love attitude, ur smiles, ur everything. the willingness to always be there for me. my dependence. the so needing you. the feeling of just wanting to see you. the feeling of just wanting to be by ur side. the late night soccer matches. the late night mahjong sessions. those sweet words. those swet gestures. the hugs. the touches. EVERYTHING. is this wat we call friendship? or is this something more than friendship? is this what we call love? or is this something less than love? is there chenmistry? or am i just so used to ur presence in life? is this you needing me and me needing you? or is this just some other flings? is there something holding me back? or is there something holding u back? phobia of love.

i just want to say that it's so complicated, it's so getting complicating every minute of my day. everyone else has eyes to se we ain't just friends. alvin and felicia asked are we together? haha. i dun even noe the answer!! cos i'm also unsure if we are.
the normal meetings, just like friends would do normally. but the everything else is oh-so-couple. i like you, or rather, i really do like you. pardon me for not liking to use the word i love you. because i dunno how true is those words. i like you so much that i don't mind doing anything just for you, even if it means to going the extra mile of getting u a bottle of herbal tea just because u are coughing. it also goes the other way round that u would make the extra mile to just do something i want. whatever i demand, whatever i ask for, you'd do ur best, i know. is this friendship? probably.

u bringing me for dinner gathering with ur best friend and his gf, ur reason being u dun wanna be a light bulb, and wan me to be there to replace his gf's being bullied by you. resonable. acceptable. but ur fren said to his mum i'm ur gf and u din retaliate! am i supposed to not think otherwise? nice korean restaurant, nice ambience, u just know i like it. ur bestie knowing every bit of me, knowing alot of things about me because u definitely haf told him alot, or is he some genius he just happened to know about me? u mentioning so much to ur fren about me, is this just normal? or am i thinking too much? u not wanting to let me return u the money for the bill cos u said u wanted to treat me. u're like always that nice.

u holding my hand when we cross busy roads. yar, busy road, thats why. i always tell myself that. u looking me into the eye and asking me if i felt better on my infected eye. u driving out at late nights because i complain i'm hungry. we getting so close all the time, u hugging me in horror movies. you quareling and bickering with me because we are so hating each other mentioning ur past and my past. u counting how many times i had mentioned about her. and u lecturing me on how i shouldn't have told turtle about her. u telling ur bestie how irritating i am always mentioning her as ur best friend. ur favourite fren. u telling me u already drawn that line between u and her. me telling u how irritating u are to keep mentioning about him. how i so hate you mentioning him to others and telling me that maybe he is also a good choice. me hitting you and staring at you with u mentioning him. u and i acting oh-so-close when he's like just beside us? were u acting? or were u trying to show it to him too? him getting oh so angry and left straight away after the match. still friends? buddies? brotherhood? sisterhood?

if we are just friends, would we please keep things the way as friends should be? if we are just buddies, should we just be buddies? i really don't mind we remaining like that. more than friends, less than lover. it's probably just the status. you need not clarify that status with me. but all i wan to know... is... do we feel the same? or am i just thinking too much? let nature takes its course u once told me.... sometimes i wonder if it's cos i'm not good enough, not ur type? u just want me as a friend we can both depend on each other? it's been so long... it's ben years, and we are still revolving around all these questions.... i really dunno how... i dare not mention this issue to you, i dun hav the courage to do it once again. for i am quite disturbed with wat u've told prawn. i dunno if i should take it for real, or i should just take it for the fact that u weren't truthful while answering her? all the signals are getting clearer. we are getting closer each day, really close. a couple without the real status that is.

i really do, like you. in fact, i need you more than anything else. u motivate me in every way. something i haven been able to find in others. i've been waiting for a particular someone, and suddenly i realised that someone has always been by me. qiuyan told me, after revolving and going in circles for years, i'm back to square one when i onced declared to them i liked you, without you knowing. but lose you to someone, yet see you get hurt, feeling so guilty for ur hurt, then the recuperating process, the back to you process and u being the one i used to know, and the one i used to like in the past. and realising i still like you, and i can no longer deny that anymore.

don't make me deny the fact that i like you. i will wait. let nature takes its course. actually, i'm loving every bit of what we share, what we did together. all of you. i'm loving the way we are as now. i really do. cos u are the person whom i'm so willing to open up with, and not letting the word phobia affect me much. stay the way we are and i love you.
procrastinated. 3:59 AM

>philosophically me.

joycie
101286
20
ngee ann poly/bs student

>dar-links.

Jeerin.
xia darling.
ezah darling.
pauline.
Joyce Dearie.
Sister Qiz.
Sister Samantha.
Persis.
Belle.
Phionna.
CheryL.
QiuYan.
Michi.
Stefanie.
Syaz.
Serve Cambodia [official].
Serve Cambodia [informal].
Gayathri.
Jasmine.
Camen.
Samantha.
Erika.
Kathie.
LohWC.
LimWC.
Jenny.
Thong Kiat.
Jocelyn.
Dzul.
Kim.
ZhenYao.
JiSheng.

>loves.

jeerin.cuzzies.family.
darlings.
him.
illogical cuckoos.
lesley six.
FHCC.Stonage.
all the kids in FGAC.
Cambodia.
the toes.
GR2.
philosophy.travel.
sea sports.music.
sea.sun.sky.

>rants.


>credits.

layout done by: caijingg.
photo by: kika06
brushes: adobe photoshop.

>song.

♥ 宇恒 - 有你多好 ♥